My 1st child told me she’s transgender… Now what?!!
My oldest child was born a girl and now we have to start getting used to referring to her as a boy. She, I mean he is 16 years old now.
But first let me tell you when she was 11 years old, she started having signs of hostility. She was just angry at everything. Nothing we did seem to make her happy. My husband and I then assumed she just has raging hormones like me when I started getting my period.
About a year later, we noticed her left arm with cuts. My daughter, who is now my son was trying to cut herself to help cope with the pain of not knowing where she belonged. She would force herself to vomit after having dinner with us. She also tried to starve herself to make her die because she thought she doesn’t deserve to live. She didn’t feel good enough to live.
We’ve taken her to therapy and psychiatry and learned that she’s going through so many things in her life. I will not call them changes but rather call them growing pains. It’s hard enough to be a teenager. It’s hard enough to be a teenager in this day and age. How much more difficult it probably was for her to let us know that… She transgender.
At first, my daughter told us she’s gay. Okay. No biggie. My brother is gay. He’s married now after a huge wedding with his husband. They’ve been together for a really long time. I don’t have anything against gayness. And I hope I don’t offend anyone. So, my daughter dated girls. I believe we met her last girl friend and kind of knew her a little more because she came over a lot and my daughter went over to her girls fitness house a lot. Things were good, it’s again, not a big deal. It’s not unique to have gay family or friends anymore.
Then, almost 7 months later my daughter started to date a boy. She broke up with her girlfriend and dated this boy. I thought, oh my… She’s bisexual. Could she be confused? Does she really know she’s dating both sex? Hmm… Later in she tell me her boyfriend is gay! Now this did not make sense to me at all. I’m sorry, but she had to explain things further.
She tells me she’s transgender boy (and a cis- girl). Cis(girl or boy) is the gender you’re born with. Since she’s a boy, her, I mean his boyfriend is gay dating another boy. A transgender boy. Does that make sense? I hope it does because that’s what I thought of initially but did not have a name for it. Now that we’ve affirmed he’s transgender boy, nothing changes in this house. He is still expected to do chores and get good grades!!! The same respect we ask for with him when he was a girl will be the same respect we ask of him now that he’s a boy.
The expectations do not change with our virtues. We love him for who he is. We support him because we care about him. We continue to provide guidance and protection because we are his parents.
Now that the closet is wide open and he’s come out first as lesbian/gay and now as transgender boy… He is much happier. He is back to the happy person we’ve all known when he was a little kid.